(Inspired by the Carrie Underwood song Lessons Learned)
I’ve been going to school now for 44 years.
Sometimes I’m an “A” student. Sometimes I’ve fallen flat on my face. I’ve made those that love me extremely proud, and other times extremely sad. Both outcomes were of my own doing and I will live with the happiness, pride, bitterness and sorrow each one of my decisions has brought. I have made decisions that have made me friendships that I cherish. I have made decisions that have completely isolated me from my family. Regardless of the outcome, each decision has played its part in shaping my life as I know it today. Each decision was a lesson.
Early on I found sailing and it filled a void for me, an escape, a place where I was in control. A place where I could make decisions on my own and I controlled my own destiny. A place where I could experience a full range of emotions on my own terms, devoid of anyone else’s prejudices, policies, or perversions. Sailing carried me through some tough times that I had to work through. Driving down the highway of life, it offered a rest stop when it was so desperately needed. It became the friend that was always there. It carried me through until I made the other discovery in my life that saved me. Her name is ‘Jo but I just call her Pepper.
Sailing was the main focus in my life. In some ways it was my savior; in other ways it held me back. The desire to “just sail” was overwhelming. I wanted to be on the water, whether it be a windsurfer, catamaran, monohull—whatever. Just let me sail. Everything else was inconsequential. Sailing was Priority 1. Everything else (job, family, friends, bills, etc.) was just muddy water I had to wade through to enable me to sail…just motions that had to be gone through in order to get myself on the water. Once I would leave the troubled shores everything made sense. All those issues other people had were bound to the land. I could push off and feel the weight of the world lift off my shoulders as I became one with whatever boat I was sailing. Every thought, movement, and emotion used to achieve that feeling when you hit the groove, when you harness the wind, when you feel the boat settle-in to that old familiar angle of heel and sense the acceleration, absent of any man made sound. The knowledge that you’re in charge of your own destiny, the pride taken in the self reliance of being a sailor, that’s what lets you know you are alive and I love it.
She walked into my life totally unexpected. I was careless with her at first. Sailing was Priority 1. Conflict was inevitable. Something would have to give. No one had ever been able to see or understand how important my sailing was to me. Not until her. How time on the water allows me to clear my mind. How that time, to me, is so pure. How awesome I feel when I can go out and enjoy myself without disturbing another person on this earth. How memories of the past and worries of the future all melt away into nothing but the present. How the experience can be so all encompassing, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.
Over the course of a lifetime one gathers a book of images in their mind. Some are good, some are great, and some are terrible. Some you can turn on and off at will, while others will queue themselves up and play autonomously whenever specific circumstances occur. Some are relentless. Some are full of so much joy while others will torment, causing you to question yourself for an eternity. Even when you know that finding the answer to resolve the issue is an impossibility. Like everyone else I am both blessed and cursed with these images. Fortunately for me I have found the “reset” button…. and it’s sailing.
I was very fortunate to be led to a career path that has bought me great personal rewards. That same career path has shown me how absolutely sudden and brutal life can be. At times I find myself very cynical of this world, governments, people, their motivation, values, morals, and ethics….even my own. How I can accept $60,000.00 per year compensation for the privilege of helping people 10 days a month while I am fully aware others are watching their children die for lack of food or health care in far off places? I know that the day will come when I will have to answer to my creator for my every action as well as my inaction during my brief stay on this earth. I have yet to figure out how I should expect him to welcome me with open arms. Knowing that he only requires me to accept him as my savior in order for me to be saved is of little consolation to those that are suffering for the duration of their time here. How can that be? In this age of instant communication and limitless information few people will be able to claim ignorance, myself included. Without my “reset” I can feel these thoughts and emotions build up and begin to bring me down.
I am so fortunate in so many ways. She saw something in me that kept her around long enough for me to come to my senses. To learn the most important lesson I’ve ever learned. She knows my faults and she knows my needs. She knows when I need a “reset” and never keeps me from it. Over the years we’ve expended untold dollars and vacation time in order for me to be able to keep my head on straight. We’ve sailed many places and for weeks at a time. She goes with me. She makes that trip with me to the “now”, leaving the past in our wake and the future to fend for itself for a while. I still have more questions than answers. I find myself worrying endlessly about where we go from here. How will our country pull itself together? How can we continue to abuse our environment and expect it to keep recovering from our neglect? What kind of world will the children of today inherit? What have I done to make the situation better….or worse? When will we learn to value the work that a teacher, doctor, nurse, soldier, or policeman does as much as a basketball player? I don’t know the answers and I fear what some of them may be. I am just so glad that I found my escape. I found what I need to make it through and what is so important to me. What allows me to get through the bad days and to enjoy untold happiness on the good ones. Not only did I find it, I was smart enough to make it her Priority 1. Did I mention…she’s a pretty good sailor too.
Lesson Learned
I Love you Pepper……if you’ll cast off the bow line I’ll get the stern. We’re outa here.
Anonymous
